Falling Darkness
by Volturi-Love
Summary: Jane ponders "survival" in a harsh world.
1. Chapter 1

I was so frustrated! I walked down the hall, disregarding everyone and everything in my path until I reached the West Tower. I quickly climbed the ling spiral staircase until I was looking out of the small domed window that overlooked the entire city of Volterra. This was _my_ place. The place where I could be me, with no one to judge, watch, or annoy me. No one came here, and I was grateful for that. After all, who would understand a mature woman trapped forever in the body of a thirteen year old?

No one.

Not even Alec, my twin brother whom I had confided everything for the last two-hundred years. Sure, I love him, but ever since he found Ezra he really hasn't spent that much time with me. But I wanted him to be happy, and if Ezra made him happy then I how could I possibly say anything against her?

_Accept it Jane_, I told myself, _you're alone._ My hands clenched into fists and I felt the ancient rock crumble to the floor as nothing more than dust.

"_Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return."_

I wondered why people were surprised that I was Christian. Granted, not many people knew… but still, the one's that did never understood. They assumed that it was because I was changed young and my mind wasn't capable of full maturity. They were wrong though, and I had proved it to them through…slightly painful ways. I smiled slightly; my talent was quite a 'spectacular gift' as Aro put it, but I was not sadistic.

Oh, there were so many misconceptions of Jane Volturi. That she was a sadist that used her gift on whomever she wanted to just because it made her happy. That she was Aro's secret lover. That she was just a whore in general. That she was only a child. And many more.

I sighed and sat on the edge of the stone cut-in window, knowing I would never fall. I drew my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knee, looking out at the darkness that was slowly descending upon the city. I like night, it's my favorite part of a day. You can see the stars, it's quieter, and things are just more _peaceful_. I never understand why children are afraid of the dark; I never was when I was a child.

_ "Alec!" I hissed, jumping in through the small window to his bedroom. _

_ "Eh? What?" Alec asked as I shook him awake._

_ "There's someone outside!" I whispered, pulling his hand so he would get up._

_ "How do you know?" _

_ "I was taking a walk and I saw a man with a black cloak by our house and—" I hurriedly explained but he cut me off._

_ "You were taking a walk? Aren't girls afraid of the dark?" Alec asked._

_ "You act like you're _so_ much older than me, and like I'm a wuss," I said angrily. "Now get up!"_

_ "Ugh, Jane, if no one's there than I swear I'm gonna kill you," Alec muttered, getting up. I led him outside to where I had seen the man but there was nothing there. We circled the house, and again, there was nothing there. "Girls!" Alec murmured angrily as he went back to sleep. _

_ "I know what I saw," I said indignantly before he was asleep and slipped back out the window. I ran away from our house, from Alec, from mother, from life. Little did I know that was the night I had 'met' Aro Volturi._

I opened my eyes and looked at the now dark city, knowing I had to go do my rounds around it. I straightened my legs and then jumped from the window. It was a rather nice fall, after all, it was a high window, and I landed lightly feeling refreshed.

I walked in the shadow of the wall that encircled Volterra, hoping no other members of the guard would find me, or worse, talk to me. I was by the main gate when Ezra caught up with me.

"Jane! Wait up!" She called, jumping over a few houses until she reached me and greeted me with a huge hug.

"Hey Ezra," I said, trying to sound pleasant.

"Isn't tonight just beautiful?" She asked, leaning against the stone wall and looking up at the glittering sky.

"Yeah," I agreed, glancing up at the sky. It's one of the few things that a vampire can't memorize perfectly. It's never the same, always new stars, new beginnings, but never the same.

"You know, Alec has been worried about you," Ezra said.

"Why's that?" I asked, walking again.

"He thinks that you're too alone, that you, well, need someone." Ezra and I walked in silence for awhile.

"He should mind his own business," I said coolly, but inside, I was angered. My brother could have his own fairytale ending, like the children in story books do, but I wouldn't. I never would. I thought _he_ loved me, but he didn't…I know that now.

I took a deep breath and kept on walking, wishing that time would have meaning. Time passes, even when it seems like it doesn't…and how I wish times would change. I brought my cloak closer around me, but that only brought me _his_ scent, and I didn't want that now, I wanted nothing to do with him. I would have flung my cloak off and burned it, but Jane Volturi would never do that, she is loyal to her master and would never do anything against him or his empire.

"Jane really, are you okay?" Ezra asked, concerned. _Don't burn, don't burn, don't burn_ I chanted to myself as Ezra got on my last nerve. I was not sadistic, I was annoyed and I happened to have a powerful that had amazing result son silencing annoying people. _Stop it, she makes Alec happy. You want Alec to be happy, right? Right_. I tried to make myself believe my resolve, but it was only a halfhearted attempt.

"I'm fine, really. I'm just thinking, I like to think alone." _Nice lie, Jane._

"You seem to be 'thinking' a lot lately," Ezra said. I had to calm myself down again before I replied…and even then, I realized I had nothing to say. Then, out of nowhere I blurted out the question.

"Ezra, do you love Alec? I mean, really love him?" Ezra stopped walking and turned to look at me, surprised.

"Yes…yes, I think I do. If that's what makes me feel like I'm human again, then I think so." I nodded,

"Good, Alec deserves someone good like you." _If only I deserved someone…_

"Er, thank you?" Ezra laughed uncertainly. I laughed dryly; I always had to keep up a mask, but who cared? I was indestructible Jane.

"Welcome," I whispered, though I doubt she heard.

I sped up and soon enough I was far away from her. Here, where I was alone I could take off my disguise and by the fragile and broken girl I am. I ran to the castle and quickly climbed to the roof. There was something empowering about being at the highest point of the city, but power wasn't what I was after. Power is what _he_ wants, and as much as I hate to admit it, he has it. He has power over his empire, power over his brothers, power over me…and whoever can say they have the last of those truly is powerful.

As I lay atop the jagged and rough roof I felt the lightest drops of rain fall upon my upturned face. They were light, cold, wet kisses that reminded me of what it was like to cry, simply because it felt so good, so natural, so human. I felt my hands ball into tiny fists and parts of the roof pulverize.

The rain did wondrous things to my body, which partly wasn't even my body anymore, but _his_ too, the cold embrace from the sky made me feel clean again.

"Please Lord, forgive me," I murmured, thinking of all the lies, the hate, the bitterness that lay within me, but I could not ask for myself to forgive _him_, nothing could change my hate for him. _Lord, forgive me for that too._

Was there anything I did right, anymore?

(A/N: So this is my first Jane/Aro story (however sick, twisted, and angsty it may be.) Please review and tell me what you thought. Please.)


	2. Chapter 2

"Forgive me, Master," I whisper even though I hate myself for apologizing.

"You are forgiven," Aro coos, stroking my bare back with his too cold hand. I don't reply: I can't. "You have not fed, it is understandable." Why does Aro say out loud that the reason I don't enjoy him is because I have not fed. He knows perfectly well, from my thoughts that I hate him but I am too cowardly to tell him to stop. He has touched me in so many ways, so many times, that every word he speaks to me is a lie…and I'm just a scared little girl. Without warrant to enter, pity floods my body and I want it expelled. I do _not_ want pity!

"Until tomorrow night, Jane," Aro whispers and kisses the top of my head before leaving. I sit on my messy bed, naked, and see myself from the mirror that sits across my room. All I can see is a small, scared girl who has nothing, physically, at least. It makes me wonder what he sees in me, perhaps the challenge of conquering, or harnessing a power he will never have. If that is his goal, he's already won, because as much as I hate to admit it; I gave him his victory the very first time he came to "talk" to me.

I was so foolish back then. So foolish and blind. But most of all, hopeful. When he told me he loved me I believed him, and because of that I gave myself to him. But he doesn't love me, and I learned that the hard way.

Without getting dressed I go to my small bathroom and turn on the water. I wait until the steam envelopes the small room and I can't see my hand even though it is only a few inches in front of me. Contented, I slide into the scalding water that fills my bathtub. This is the only way I can make myself feel something while getting rid of _him_ on me.

_Thank you Lord for showers_.

"Jane!" I hear the voice of my brother and I cuss under my breath. Damn Alec for interrupting my moment of peace; I get so few of them now…

"I'm busy!" I shout, I know he can hear me. I hear him grumble but walk away, and am contented for a moment, but then saddened. Now I hide from my brother, my closest confidante, my partner in crime, my former best friend. I deceive everyone around me, everyone except Aro because he is the only one who knows my true thoughts, even though he ignores them, and that sadness me.

I draw an angel on the glass, liking how the vapor makes my shower a drawing board. But nothing last forever, and soon the pretty little angel starts streaming away until there is nothing left except running water. I watch the sparkling droplets of water collect at the bottom of the shower and I tap my feet mindlessly splashing water…it feels so good to not have to be controlled here even if it is just moving my feet.

I laugh dryly as I realize what I have come to. If only I could run away, escape, be free…the thought is cut short as soon as I think of what the consequences of that choice are. Death, a five letter word that spells out eternity, don't you think it would be longer? I realize that dead and life have the same number of letters, as well as Jane, and I wonder what that could mean…I am technically caught between death and life, being a vampire and all.

With a sudden realization of how long I have been in the shower, for a vampire, I turn of the water, which by the way seems cold now, and wrap a towel around me. I'm reminded of how the towel is unnecessary, I have nothing to hide, no figure to flaunt or boast of; just pale skin holding together a girl that is falling apart everywhere inside.

Not sparing the mirror another glance I throw on whatever clothes are near and exit my room, I feel like going to mass…no one follows me to mass, except Marcus sometimes but his silent company is welcome. We both know loss: he lost his wife and I lost myself, yet, I don't know which one is worse. I will _never_ know which one is worse because I will never physically "grow up" and love someone and them me.

I am Jane Volturi, and that says enough. It strength and weakness, evil and innocent, yet it is power and weakness. I don't like to think of myself as Jane Volturi anymore, in all honesty, I don't think of myself as anything. You know, if there was a prize for who could have the lowest self-esteem, I would win it, I would probably win _a lot _of trophies that no one wanted.

_Stop!_ I shouted at myself. Look at the flowers, the sky, the happy people, I tried to make myself happy and think of my surroundings. My plan backfired, seeing as the flowers are dead, the sky is gray, and the people were walking in a funeral procession. I resorted to looking at the cobblestone street as I walked until I reached Marcus's Cathedral just in time for Mass to begin.

I sat silently in a pew towards the back and listened intently as the priest's word echoed back to where I sat. I quietly listened, murmured the appropriate responses, and prayed diligently, hoping that God would listen and have mercy. I wondered briefly if people thought vampires were cursed because God never listened to the prayers of the damned and that's why I had my bad luck. A sudden realization hit me as I understood that it wasn't God's fault where I am now; it's _mine_! I _let_ Aro have his way with me, granted if I refused I would not be alive, but I wonder if that is better than the "life" I am living now.

A brief glimpse of movement alerted me that it was time to receive Communion, and I slowly rose. I was the last in line and by the time I received the priest they had run out of bread; ironic? I think not.

"One minute, child," he gently patted my shoulder and I waited patiently, like the good little girl I appeared to be. Shortly after I was given the body of Christ and made the sign of the cross before returning to where I sat. The rest of the Mass seemed to pass by in a blur and I was only awakened to my surroundings when we were told to give the Sign of Peace. No one spoke to me, much less shake my hand or embrace me.

So I continued to sit in the back, alone, staring at the crucified Jesus at the center of the altar, and trying to understand. I looked at his crown of thorns, and wondered if it felt differently to physically have to wear one, or wear one that confined and pierced your heart, letting everything that made me, "me" bleed out.

After Mass ended I hurried out only to be stopped by a group of boys who I had seen at Mass.

"Hey," one of the boys said, forcing me to stop, "I'm Jeovanni."

"I'm Jane," I said, giving him a look that clearly said I did not want to talk to him.

"Jane, that's a pretty name," he said, and his friends snickered, "But, um, I was wondering if you could give me a map, because I'm getting lost in your eyes."

"Is that the best you can do?" I ask, sneering, what is it with boys and stupid pick-up lines. "No." But really, what I think is that maybe I'm not the only one who sees how lost I am. I'm clued in by his friends laughing that I'm just imagining things and he's a regular hormonal boy. They simply laughed harder as an awkward silence took residence between us. I turned on my heel and began to walk away, grumbling at the incompetence of young mortals.

"Jane, wait!" he shouted and ran to catch up with me. "Please, I made a bet. Just go on a date with me, _please?!_"

I gave him a second glance, and had to admit he wasn't that bad looking, nothing compared to vampire beauty, but not too shabby for a human.

"Why should I?" I asked him, "I don't know you."

"Because everyone deserves a chance."

As soon as he said that, I began to consider his plea. For a fraction of a second I wondered if he would be saying the same thing if he knew what I was. But more importantly, it provided me an opportunity to get out of the castle and be me! And he really did look nice.

"Okay," I smiled faintly, "I'll go on a date with you."

"Really?" he asked, surprised at his own luck. The jaws of his friends all dropped in synchronization which was kind of funny to see.

"Yes," I said, though it sounded like I was trying to convince myself more than him. "Time and date?"

"Um, let me think, hold on, sorry," he said flustered, "well, what works for you?"

"I can do anything," I said, thinking of my loose schedule at "home." Ever since things first started with Aro, I was pretty much allowed to do anything, except tell the secret, not that I would, it was to shameful to comprehend, let alone speak of.

"That's what she said," one of his friends snickered, making them all laugh. I gave them a death glare while inflicting minimal pain so they wouldn't know.

"So, how about tomorrow aw six?" he asked.

"Six is fine," I said, "Where do you want to go?"

"How about at Carmelos?" he asked. I simply nodded, there was no need to overcomplicate, it's not like I would be eating anyway. "Er, where should I pick you up?" He asked.

"I'll just meet you there," I whisper, it's not like I could tell him to pick me up at the castle.

"Okay, yeah, that's great," he smiles, "so I'll see you tomorrow at six. Bye."

"Bye," I whisper and walk away slowly, heading back for the prison that was the castle. Halfway there, I walk slowly and decide to take a longer way to reach the castle.

I unconsciously realize that there is a slight bounce to my step and the world doesn't seem as oppressing as it did an hour ago. I have a reason to escape Aro for one night, and that in itself is a reason to celebrate! I hummed a tune under my breath and even skipped a little, I was _free!_

_Thank you, Lord!_ I exalted as a girlish grin began to appear on my face. And then, without warning, an emotion that I had not felt in a long time saturated my body: hope.


	3. Chapter 3

Chances

I had to constantly remind myself to keep up my mask of sadness, lest the others ask why I was happy. The fact that dinner was only thirty minutes away also, though I didn't approve of this so much, also made me happy. All in all, I was in a pretty good mood.

"Hey Jane, you look hot today," Felix joked as I waited silently in the shadows near the feeding tower. I rolled my eyes and turned away, determined to not let his snide remarks get to me as they sometimes , unfortunately, did.

"Let off, Felix," Alec said, giving me a smile. I was a little annoyed that he felt he had to stand up for me but still grateful he actually cared.

"Thanks Alec, you're the best," I said with more emotion that I had given in a long time. He gave me a weird look but shrugged and went over to where Ezra stood.

Silence overtook the small chatter as the five midnight cloaked figures glided silently toward the chamber. Caius looked as cranky as ever, Athenodora wore a pleased expression to fit her pleasant personality, Sulpicia looked impassive matching her mysterious character, Marcus looked bored and no explanation was needed, Aro looked hungry and that was the perfect description for the monster he was. Marcus left the group and came over to me after the other ancients had entered.

"Six o'clock mass?" he asked, no emotion present.

"No," I said sheepishly "I have," this is where a human would blush, "other plans. I think I'll be going at three thirty."

"I see. I will not be joining you then," he said and turned to leave.

"Master?" I quickly grabbed the end of his cloak before he left.

"Yes?"

"Would you mind, er, doing me a favor if the need arises because it might, but it might not, and I don't know who else to ask... and—" I realized I was babbling and immediately fell silent. "sorry."

Marcus chuckled ever so slightly, "Is there something you need to tell me?"

"I—it's embarrassing," I said, looking down. Marcus put a cold hand on my shoulder and began to walk in the opposite direction of the feeding room. I took this as a sign to follow him and left the feeding area with minimal remorse. We walked to the less used part of the castle and then Marcus jumped out the window landing silently in the dark abyss below. I followed, curious as to where Marcus was going and what exactly was going to happen.

"The guards never pass by here," he said as a form of explanation, "it makes deep thought so much _easier_."

"I'll definitely be using this more often," I said, knowing perfectly well what he meant. In the silence that ensued I simply followed Marcus to wherever we were going.

"Didn't you have something to tell me," Marcus asked after awhile.

"Yeah," I drawled, "you see, after Mass today this guy asked me to go on a date with him and I said I would because…because…" I stopped and wondered how I could ever do this. "Actually, there's more before the story."

"I thought so," Marcus nodded and folded his arms.

"I don't know if you know but Aro and I, well he, he..._uses_ me. I _hate_ him. I HATE HIM!" I was so angry so furious that here I was complaining about my life (to Marcus of all people) when I had vowed never to and more than anything I had never expressed my anger out loud. I took a few minutes to calm myself, mostly unsuccessful, and continued on with the story about mass and then how Jeovanni had asked me on a date and said yes because of the whole 'everyone deserves a chance' line.

"I see," Marcus said, "I must I never knew about what Aro did, which is _despicable_ to say the least, and I see why you would associate with the human, however, how do I come into this?"

"Well this is also kind of embarrassing," I sighed, "I was thinking that if the relationship ever progresses and I might actually like the guy, I'd need to have some kind of father to, you know, do whatever fathers do when their daughter is in a relationship."

"Jane," Marcus sounded tired and I realized that, _how could I have been so stupid?_ Telling Marcus my problems and thinking he'd actually help me? I must definitely be delusional. "I understand what pain really is, as you do as well, and it would be cruel not to help you. I will not inflict that pain on you; you go through enough as it is and sadly I can do nothing about that."

"Really?" I couldn't help but squeal, "You'll help me? Thank you!" I ran and gave him the biggest hug I think I had ever given anyone. "You're the best Master ever!"

"Your welcome," Marcus semi-smiled and returned my childish hug. I then resolved that some people are simply misunderstood. I've already explained that I'm misunderstood but that's because I want to be; however, Marcus is misunderstood as being emotionless when he's probably one of the kindest people I know but he doesn't show what others want to see. I see Marcus for Marcus and I must admit I like him; he's probably the only sensible person in town.

"I suppose we should go back now that this discussion is over," I said unwillingly. Marcus nodded, nowadays he wasn't one for many words, and we walked back to the castle: back to our prison.

"Be careful," Marcus said as we parted back in the castle, "Aro is suspicious, and so is Sulpicia. Beware their fury."

"Suspicious of what?" I asked but Marcus was already gone and I knew what I had to do now.

I walked towards the throne room, where Aro was most likely to be, and walked in quietly making sure he was alone.

"Master?" I whispered.

"Ah Jane what a delight," Aro cooed, "what is it?"

"I want to ask for permission to take a day off tomorrow, and tomorrow night (I added the second part so he could really understand)."

"I grant your request but would like to know what has caused this discrepancy which is most inconvenient for me," Aro said. Oh yeah, it was _so_ inconvenient for him...poor little Aro doesn't get his jollies out of Jane for one day: how sad.

"Tomorrow is a religious day, I would like to go to church and Mass," I said which was a half truth.

"Very well," Aro said dismissively, "just remember that you owe me later." I cringed at what that would mean.

"Thank you, Master."

"You're very lucky to have my favor," Aro said, smiling.

"Yes," I said sweetly, "I know."

I didn't recognize the girl in the mirror.

The girl who wore the purple dress that created curves and lines where none really existed was not Jane Volturi. Yet despite my mental and physical doubts about who I really was I was happy that the girl in the mirror was me because above all the unreal beauty there was a sense of hope: a sense of hope that Jane Volturi had not had in a _long_ time.

I slipped on my dark cloak, which I was proud to say now barely touched the floor due to my high heels, and left my room silently. The last thing I wanted was attention as I was leaving and in one of the few times that I actually got my way, I was able to leave the castle undisturbed.

I took my time in finding the restaurant and then patiently waited inside once I found it, letting the church bells toll out six chimes. I knew humans to be particularly messy creatures and allowed some time to pass but after half an hour I realized I had been ditched on my first date.

I didn't get up quickly or angrily, but simply walked out of the restaurant with embarrassment and pain. I wandered in a numb state to a nearby fountain and sat on the edge looking at the water. In a moment of self pity I felt that if I were human I would have cried and let my tears form their own fountain.

"Stop it Milo! I'm _so_ late!" I heard a voice say and then rapid footsteps as well as a child's cry. I turned to look and saw Jeovanni with a young boy.

"Jane!" Jeovanni said surprised. I gave him a death glare but inflicted no pain; I felt too disappointed to want revenge. "No, please don't be mad. I didn't mean to ditch you but my mom wouldn't get a babysitter for my little brother and I didn't want to take him and—"

"Is this the girl you wouldn't stop talking about?" the younger boy, Milo, asked. Jeovanni blushed.

"Um, yeah…" As he said those words all anger washed away from me and I began to realize that I wasn't the only one who had bad luck and misery. As wondrous and random as this revelation came upon me, I realized that I wasn't alone in my misery. Of course, while no one else can compare to the situation I have I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who continually gets the short end of the stick, no matter how minimal the situation was.

"Hi, I'm Milo," Jeovanni's little brother distracted me from my thoughts and I couldn't help but smile.

"Hi, I'm Jane. Do you want to go to dinner with us?" I asked, not that he really had a choice, but he was cute.

"Oh really?" he asked, super excited. I nodded and he ran over to Jeovanni in wobbly steps. I heard him whisper to his brother '_I like her'_ and I simply beamed: tonight was turning out better than I had expected.

"Thank you," Jeovanni mouthed to me and I shrugged, it really was not a burden for me.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting, this puts us off on a bad start," he said when we were sitting at the restaurant.

"It's fine," I said, "This makes our first date memorable."

"Does that mean there's more dates to come?" he asked, his voice of hope.

"I…would like that," I said, and knew that if I were human I would have blushed.

"You know, you really remind me of Juliet, you know, Shakespeare," he said.

He confused me with that line. "Um…"

"No, not the whole dying part," he said quickly, blushing, "I meant that you're so pretty and sophisticated; I've never met a girl like you before." Well he wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio but I understood what he meant.

"Thanks," I said; not sure if I should compliment him back because I really didn't have anything insightful to say.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" he asked, eying my empty plate, "please tell me your not one of those girls who starves themselves to be skinny."

"No, I'm not anorexic, if that's what you mean. But since u were late I had a bite to eat since I didn't want to waste my trip here," I said. I was surprised he cared about my health. Yes, it was unnecessary, but it felt good to know he cared, probably the only person who liked me with no strings attached. Alec did because he was my brother, Aro did because he could use me, Felix did because he was stronger than me…the list went on and on.

"Hey, I have to go. I know we haven't been together long, only an hour and a half, but I promised my dad that I would be home by nine thirty," I lied, but I also didn't want Aro to get suspicious.

"Oh, okay. Hey, can I have your number so I can call you?" he asked. I thought of all the lack of privacy with cell phones in the castle and immediately decided that giving him my number was _not_ a good idea.

"Uh, actually, how about email?" I suggested, it would make my life slightly easier and less embarrassing to everyone t home.

"Oh, ok, that's cool too," he said. I wrote down my email on a paper napkin, as did he, and we switched emails.

"So I guess I'll talk—write—to you later," he said, running his hand nervously through his hair.

"Yeah, okay," I said, getting up and going to leave. He hurriedly paid for our meal, which was really only his and Milo's, and then followed me.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Milo said and then winked, or at least tried to at me, while whispering to Jeovanni: "kiss her!"

"Milo!" Jeovanni said and shooed him out of the lobby.

"Cute kid," I said, watching little Milo go.

"Yeah, but he can be really annoying though," he said. "Well, I don't want you to be late and get in trouble, so…"

"I guess this is goodbye," I said, and walked away. Leaving slightly sad and my lips untouched. _Maybe next time…_ I thought and ran back to the castle.


End file.
